Farewell, Ortho Tri-cyclen

Ode to ortho tri-cyclen,
my confidant of 9 years.
You have been so good to me,
I give you three cheers!

One for birth control,
that left little doubt.
You were 100% effective,
you knew what your job was about.

Two for predictable periods,
which I never had before.
Every 28 days you were there,
I didn't have to guess anymore.

Three for clear skin,
the best side effect ever.
I don't think my pores will ever be as clear,
no, pretty sure, never.

And to the "tri" in the pill,
representing varying amounts of norgestimate and ethinyl estradiol.
I give a separate farewell,
to the parts who come together to make something so versatile:

Farewell, white pill,
the one to kick the system back in order.
You were most likely to make me ill,
and told the menses the party was over .

Farewell, light blue pill,
I took you for granted the most.
You kept the effects going,
thank you for keeping things in coast.

Farewell, plain blue pill,
I'm not really sure what you do.
But I was never unexpectedly pregnant,
and for that I give a respectful adieu.

So you probably wonder--
Why must I give my goodbye? Alas!
Your services are no longer necessary,
my husband is now six-months post-vas.

But thank you for being so true.
If you were a person I'd give you a plaque.
But please say a prayer for my skin,
my T-Zone is already under attack!

Confessions from a Vasectomy Survivor

I wasn’t planning on this being my initial post and introduction to Ruthie’s blog readers, but it seems there is more interest in my sperm than I ever would’ve imagined.

If you know my wife than you know that she is nothing if not fearless when it comes to discussing medical and physiological issues (see Vaginalization of America or Memoirs of Research to understand what I mean). Also, there aren’t many forums where one can hear firsthand accounts of birth control issues. I know there are many readers who either have had or are considering taking “the plunge” and making a vasectomy their permanent form of birth control. So let me be the first to kick off the stories.

Hi, I’m Darren, and I’ve had a vasectomy.

First a little lead-up: Ruthie and I have always wanted to adopt—first we wanted to do it the “bio” way (Ellie) and then venture into the foster care/adoption world (Brian). Even though things with Brian were still up in the air, we did come to the conclusion last fall that if we did add to our family, we would do it through the foster/adoptive route. We had done some research and a vasectomy seemed like the best way to achieve sterilization. We dragged our feet for awhile because there was a sense of permanence (it can be reversed, but who wants to do that?) and we were relatively young.

We finally decided that this was the best decision for us and so last October I went to the Oregon Urology Institute for the initial consult. (We refer to it as the Urology Palace because the place is posh and huge—and all they do is Urology—who knew there was that much business?) I took my seat in the waiting room next to the all 70-year-old guys (probably there more for prostate reasons than for sterilization). The Doc and I met and discussed stuff and he gave me some literature to read and promised that if he did the surgery he would have some really good jokes to tell during the procedure. He said after 6 months and a couple of “samples” I would be officially sterile. I was supposed to call back and make an appointment for my procedure at my convenience.

Up to this point, everything had been pretty abstract, but setting the date for the procedure—that was real. I experienced my first real anxiety over the whole thing. But after a few more conversations, and realizing Ruthie’s birth control prescription would expire in about 6 months, we decided to set the date. (When I first called to set the date, the first available one was on my birthday—I decided to take a different date.)

On the day of the appointment I was instructed to shave down south. What I hadn’t realized was that it would make me itch like crazy and after the surgery scratching is not the most comfortable thing. I went in with Ruthie and they took us to a “surgical room.” A female nurse tells me I need to go in the adjoining bathroom and strip below the waist. I was given something to wrap in, but as soon as I came out and lay down on the table—off it came. They (oh, did I forget to tell you the nurse was training a new employee that day? Me being mostly naked in a room with a bunch of other people was the weirdest part of the whole thing) got everything ready, the doctor came in and they gave me the anesthetic. The shot stung pretty good but after that—I didn’t feel much.

The doctor was great—he explained everything before and as he went along. Ruthie got to watch from the corner (she loves stuff like this). I took the opportunity to also poke my head up and see my Vas as it was clamped—how often do you get that chance?

The doctor’s goal is to do whatever he can to make sure that the two ends of the Vas don’t find a way to “link” back up. So he cut a portion of the Vas out (a “piece of Vas” as he called it), then I think he tied it off and finally he seared it (I take back what I said earlier—the weirdest part of the whole thing was when he seared it and smoke was rising from my loins as part of my body is burned away).

Early on the doctor found out I was a pastor. As a result I don’t know if he thought he shouldn’t tell the jokes he had promised at the consult, so finally I reminded him. The best one I can remember:

What did one testicle say to the other?
“I don’t know why we’re getting hung for this. It was slim who did the shooting.”

And then I told him Ruthie’s favorite joke about the guy who got a new car and wanted to have it blessed so he invited a priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi. The priest put some holy water on the car and blessed it. The Pentecostal preacher laid hands on the car and prayed over it. And finally the rabbi snipped off the end of the tailpipe.

The procedure took about 20 minutes and then he put some gauze down there and sent me on my way. I was given 2 cups to put samples into: one at 2 months and the second at 6 months. I was also instructed I needed to have 14-16 “emissions” within the first 2 months after surgery (something I made sure Ruthie heard).

That first day I was pretty sore. It felt like someone had kicked me in the groin a couple of times and then while I was rolling on the ground put a couple of cuts in my scrotum—and, oh yeah, it itched like crazy. The doctor recommended I do nothing for 24 hours afterwards and that seemed to work pretty well. The next day I felt quite a bit better, and after 2 days I was pretty good—just bruised. After a week everything felt pretty normal. But I tried to get as much pity from Ruthie as possible.

At 2 months, we gave a sample—the nurse called and said there were still a couple of sperm hanging but that they were “special” sperm. They were kind of deformed and immobile according to the nurse—which is normal according to her. At 6 months, she said they still saw the same thing—and, again, they act like this is normal. I knew my boys wouldn’t go without a fight. So I’m supposed to bring one more sample in a month—in the meantime Ruthie doesn’t have her birth control—so we are going to have to be careful (although it doesn’t sound like my boys—the two of them—could do much damage at this point).

So, that’s my story. If folks are thinking about doing the procedure—it wasn’t bad and I’m relieved it’s done. And if you have questions, let me know.

Can of Worms Part III: School Choice

Is anyone else out there totally frustrated and stressed when you think about what the best school option is for your kids? Can I get an Amen?

Sure I thought about schooling some before we had kids, but it didn’t weigh on my mind much. Now the question of, "Where in the world will Ellie start Kindergarten!?" sits like a pit in my stomach. Preschool's been a good jump-start for me to sort through my thoughts on school. I had blogged before on my concerns about Ellie’s preschool, and I’m not really sure my concerns have been assuaged all that much over the course of this past year.

There’s a billion ways to tackle this topic, and I’m not really sure which is the best, so let me give some brief highlights on my experiences, potential concerns, prejudices, etc. And let me give another one of my disclaimers: These are my opinions for now; they are still forming and that's why it's important to me to know your experiences and thoughts. Please.

Public School
So I had THE BEST public school experience I think I could’ve ever had growing up. From third grade on I was blessed to be in a fantastic school district and in a city that was both diverse and well integrated. I think any childhood friends out there who read this blog probably have a similar sentiment. I know many of us wish we could give our own kids the same kind of experiences and opportunities we had in our public school education.

But the sad news is many public schools out there pale in comparison. Unfortunately I have been less than impressed by the public school district we live in out here. There’s two elementary school, one middle school and one high school. School classes and electives were already relatively bare-bones when we moved out here seven years ago, and they’ve become even more so over the years with tax and budget cuts. As a result, the education is becoming more “one-size-fits-all.” But I think the biggest concern I have is the environment for learning, or lack thereof, in the community. Of the kids I've know who've graduated from the high school, only a handful have gone straight to college. We know a lot of great families who live out here, but overall the environment out here is not one that values higher education and exploring beyond the realm of Fern Ridge.

Some of my concerns with public school:
- One size-fits-all education is limiting. As one mom I know who doesn’t like public school says of it, “There’s comfort in numbers.” People figure it’s got to be okay if it’s publicly sanctioned, but is it really?
- More hours of school than needed. So the schools have our kids for 7 hours, and then send them home with a few more hours of homework? As a parent looking back that really does seem excessive.
- Motivation for Learning becoming skewed. This is one area I can say I was negatively affected by my schooling experience. I became very competitive in school. Learning was okay, but I really just wanted to blow the top off of my classes. I wanted to excel AND beat the other students while I was at it. And that ain’t good. I crammed magnificently for my tests, and then went on to forget so much of what I learned because I learned it for all the wrong reasons. I want my kids to enjoy learning, and not to get competitive or self-conscious in the process. Learning has the potential to go a lot of different directions, and I want to foster positive reasons to learn for my kids. If I pretty much hand my kids over for their entire educational experience, I’m leaving this in fate’s hands.

Private School
I know there are many folks out there who swear by private schools. Many feel the quality of education is higher for kids in private schools and I think they like believing the school environment for their kids is a little more controlled because it’s private.

But some of these qualities are a part of my prime concerns with private schools. I am very concerned with our kids having a homogenized schooling experience. I don’t want all their friends to be of similar socio-economic, religious and racial background. I find that to be a weakness.

But probably my biggest concern is if the private school is a religious private school. That scares the crap out of me because what does, for instance, “Christian” education means? I went to a Christian school in our community a few weeks ago, and from what I could gather this is what it means for them:

Bible-based curriculum
Such as the hand-writing workbook which asks kids to write out passages from the Old Testament, several I noticed had to do with obeying your parents.

Daily classroom worship & school-wide chapels
Mmmm-hmmmm.

Lots & lots of rules on “appearance” like:
-Clothes having messages with inappropriate messages, symbols or advertising are unacceptable

-Earring, rings, necklaces, or bracelets should not be worn to school
-We discourage the use of cosmetics

My concerns with religious schools are obvious:
-I DON'T want my kids to grow up thinking God is about a bunch of rules.
-I want my kids to know how to work and engage within the world they live, not be scared to death of it or overly naïve.
-The folks who run the private religious school pretty much get to decide the God they'll be portraying to my kids. My experience with private schools (K- 2nd grade) is the God who gets the kids to obey the teacher is the favorite-ist God of all.
-And let’s not forget $$$

Home School
I’ve found that home school is a subject that generally polarizes people. You have folks who wouldn’t do anything different for their kids, and others who are concerned with the “effects” of home schooling.

Darren was home schooled from second grade on. He had a really great home school experience. I think it was also nice that he was the youngest of three so his older siblings were able to blaze the trail, so to speak, making it pretty seamless for Darren. Darren’s mom had their lessons laid out for them, and as soon as they were done with their school work (and chores) they were free to do other things. Most days Darren was done with school by noon. This was handy when he got a job since he could work hours most other high schoolers couldn’t. Also, because Darren did a lot of self-teaching from the books he is still really good at tackling things and figuring them out on his own.

I think the quality of home school can be just as high as any other school option, if not higher, if the parents are determined to give it to their kids. Darren being a National Merit Scholar gives some credence to this.

But I still have concerns with home schooling:
-Passing on my strengths, weaknesses and biases to my kids. I’ve seen this happen many times. For instance, the parents who are really good in math and science have *surprise* kids who are really good in math and science. I also have several friends who home school who have (way) less than perfect spelling and grammar. And whenever I get a letter or card from them, I shiver since I know they’re the sole educators of their kids. (But, hey, given what I’ve seen out there with some teachers, maybe this is par for the educational course, regardless of the path that’s chosen.)
- Time & Patience. Do Darren and I have the time and patience to put together and carry-out a well-rounded curriculum for our kids?


So What About???
So what about a hybrid? That’s what Darren and I will be looking into over this next and final year of preschool for Ellie. Can we work with a school that will allow us to put Ellie in class 3 days a week and we home school 2 days a week? I checked out the local private Christian school because I know they’re more likely to be open to this set-up (and they assured me they are), but what kind of school would I like to do this with?

So we’ll be checking into that.

What about you? What thoughts do you have on schooling options? Those with kids old enough to go to school—what type of schooling did you choose for your kids and why? And there’s a big part of me that feels like the best type of schooling depends not just on the choice of schools in your area but on the individual kid. Right now I’m open to having different courses of school for each of my kids if it seems like that’s what I need to do (but then again, it’s all hypothetical right now and I may feel differently when faced with it).

I’d also like to say I have tons of respect for those who teach professionally. I had numerous teachers throughout my life who inspired and encouraged me. Again, something I’d love to be able to re-create for my own kids.

Okay, lay it on me.

Can of Worms Part I: Circumcision

Can of Worms Part II: Discipline

Catharsis Welcomes Contributor Darren Knowles

Catharsis would like to welcome contributor Darren Knowles to the team.

Darren’s accomplishments include: Fantasy Baseball Champion, Lame-O Weblog March Madness Challenge winner, Time Magazine's 101st Most Influential Person in the World, and he gave a moving performance as a drug-addicted Mayor Shinn in the Musical The Music Man. It's these accomplishments that make Darren worthy to blog on Catharsis.

Well, that and he’s sleeping with me.

Recently Catharsis was able to sit down with Darren and talk with him about his hopes, his dreams and his checkered past.

Ruthie: Darren, thanks so much for sitting down with me today.

Darren: I thought we were going to watch “Lost” together—why are you typing?

R: Darren, tell me, what brings you to blogging at Catharsis?

D: Basically I’ve neglected my blog for so long that it’s easier to jump aboard with you and force people to scroll past my posts to get to yours.

R: Fascinating, fascinating. So, how would you describe yourself?

D: I would describe myself as a West Coast, post-emergent, ultra-light, metro-literate farmboy.

R: How about your blog style? How would you describe that?

D: I really feel like—not just on your blog but in the blog universe in general—there isn’t enough angst-ridden, self-absorbed writing. I would describe my blog style as altruistic narcissism. I have really good intentions but I tend to bring everything back to myself.

R: Sounds fresh and unique. Now Darren, when I met you, you were a home-schooled, church of Christ, Bible major. What the hell happened to that?

D: I have evolved…intelligently designed. But look at you—you were a public-schooled, out-of-the-brotherhood, psych major and now you’re a Minister’s Wife.

R: Touche. Now, other than the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who else has had an influence on you?

D: Yes, Jeremiah Wright, Tim LaHaye and Joel Osteen. I see America being destroyed by the Anti-Christ led U.N.—but plan to be financially comfortable whenever I’m raptured away.

R: Well, thanks so much for taking the time to sit down with Catharsis. We look forward to your contributions.

D: You’re welcome. Now can we go have sex?

R: Sure.

To recognize this change, the blog will now be called Catharsis & Son. Partly because I couldn’t think of anything better, but mostly because it just makes me laugh.

So friends—Please, help me welcome the man also known as Mr. Ruthie Knowles, my husband, Darren. If his previous blog is any indication of how often he'll blog here, look for his first entry sometime this Fall.

Our One-Year Anniversary as a Family of Four

What a difference a year makes. A year ago today we officially jumped into foster parenting after having completed many months of training. The call came that Monday morning that a little 20-month-old named Brian would need to be placed in our home that day. By the afternoon we had a new little member in our family.

Brian has grown leaps and bounds in every way this past year. Brian has a very tender heart and a passion for everything he does. He's also turned into quite a charmer. It doesn't take long for folks to fall head-over-heals for the little boy who is excited to see everyone, and loves to give hugs.

I've personally enjoyed seeing the bonds Brian has made, especially with Darren and Ellie. Darren is absolutely Brian's favorite person in the whole-wide world. If I'm the one to wake him up in the morning, his first question is, "Where's daddy? Where's daddy?" And Brian looooves to play and scheme with his second favorite person in the world, his sister Ellie. They're only 15 months a part (a little less), so very quickly, as Brian grew from older baby to toddler this past year, he and Ellie became dear friends. Brian also loves to pester Ellie, another sign of affection that's led to some squabbles. But that's the life of siblings. Their bond is very special.

It also seems fitting that today in the mail we received our Adoption Assistance papers along with information on the adoption lawyer. Our goal in becoming a foster family was to adopt, and it's amazing it's all happening so quickly. There's still a few hurdles we need to get through for the adoption plan to run its course completely, but it's just a matter of time before Brian is legally ours.

In the meantime, we carry on just like we have been. I'm sure we'll also celebrate the "Gotcha Day" when Brian becomes ours legally, but I wonder if celebrating April 23rd may end up becoming more special to us. Even though we didn't know what the future would hold a year ago, we did our best to function and adapt as a family of four. And now, I can't imagine my life without these other three.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Can of Worms Part II: Discipline

So how do you handle discipline? Has it evolved in your family? Is it different depending on the child, age, etc.? Who were your influences in how you decided to discipline?

I know there's more to discipline than simply giving out consequences to children. For instance, there's so many questions that need to first be answered: Am I providing an environment where the child can succeed to begin with? Did the child know this was something they shouldn't be doing? What exactly is at the bottom of the how/why I'm disciplining-- is the child really learning something or is it to make me feel better? Will the form of discipline actually give a message that's more damaging than the original action they're being disciplined for? Is my child overly tired or on-edge for some other reason I can identify? Etc., etc.

And of course there's all sorts of off-shoots and sub-categories within discipline, like rewards, punishment, negative reinforcement, positive reinforcement, and so on and so forth.

I'm not so much about identifying all the POV's out there-- that would take forever and probably isn't possible. I'd like to know what do YOU do, and why? What has and hasn't worked, and what do you think the ultimate goal should be in discipline?

For Us
Our family tries first to explain why a behavior/action is hurtful, potentially dangerous, etc. Then if the child persists they go into a time-out. Each have a spot in their room that's designated as the time-out spot. After a few minutes in time-out, we talk with them about what they did and why there was a consequence. If the thing that put them in time-out was because they hurt another person (such as hitting), we ask them to go and apologize to that person. Brian is amazingly good at trotting off to time-out when told and apologizing. Heck, the kid always throws in a hug when he can. Ellie, on the other hand, screams bloody murder when we tell her to go to time-out, and then after she's been carried there she continues to scream and scream. That's been tough for me. Apologies also don't come so easily for her. And it's got me thinking, is there a better way?

I hope we can speak openly and perhaps get some good advice and encouragement from each other on this topic.

So, please, I'm all ears.

Can of Worms Part I: Circumcision

Let me get your opinion...

I must admit, whenever my kids are given a "Christian" book, I read it with my defenses up-- ready to omit or change text if need be. Before Ellie was born she was given a barrage of Christian children's books, and some of them never made it to her shelf because I thought they were giving a distorted message of God. Many of you know I can't stand Elizabeth George and her God's Wisdom for Little Girls. Here's a for instance from that book:

Some folks hurt others by "speaking their mind,"
But God's girl speaks wisdom--only says what is kind.
She calms a hurt soul and heals a sad heart
By saying kind words instead of what's "smart."

It's kind of scary what sort of crap (yes, I said crap) you can find in a "Christian" Bookstore. And it's even scarier how many people don't realize just because it says "God" or "Jesus" on a cover doesn't necessarily mean it's representative of God or Jesus.

Anyhow, I digress. I do want your opinion on something. Darren and I bought Ellie her own little Bible last year for her 3rd Birthday. It's a NLT, and it also has sections of pictures that Ellie likes to look through. Generally I'll give her an overview of each of the pictures, but the other night I decided to just read the narrative given on the picture. But there were a couple of parts I wasn't sure about, and I want to get your opinion on them. I'll underline the part I'm not so sure about.

The first was about Samson:

Samson was really strong! He could break through ropes that tied him up. One time he killed a fierce lion with his bare hands. He was even strong enough to knock down a palace to punish God's enemies. God made Samson strong so he could help God's people.

And there's a similar one about Goliath:

Goliath was a giant! He was also one of God's enemies...

Here's another one about Ezra:

The old Temple had been burned. So God's people built a beautiful new Temple. It was their new church where they could praise him and thank him....

So what do you think of people like Goliath being called one of "God's enemies"? Or that Samson was used to punish "God's enemies"? Do you think that's accurate? I can understand some people not walking in step with God, but I'm not sure about thinking of someone as "God's enemy" when I think of God being about reconciliation. People may perceive themselves to have enemies (although, again, not sure that's in sync with a call to reconciliation), but I'm not sure I can find scriptural support to call a person God's enemy. I don't think that's the kind of view we're supposed to have of someone.

And then what about calling the Temple a "church"? I understand the context they're trying to give, but it's not historically accurate.

What do some of you think out there? And any other books out there you'd recommend avoiding (besides Elizabeth George)? Or books out there you'd recommend I get for my kids?

And while you're thinking about that, feel free to check out the following clip of Ellie preaching. She enjoys using her oil radiator as her pulpit, flopping her Bible open on it, and flipping through as she mumbles out some kind of sermon. She's a mini Darren & Mimi (my mom's been known to preach it, as a young girl and adult) in the works...

Can of Worms Part 1: Circumcision

I've been anxious to get this Can of Worms series started, but I've been knocked to my butt again with illness. (Does anyone else notice an exponential increase of illness in your home every time a new person is added? It's like the equivalent of visiting a foreign country.) But it seems I can't wait for wellness...so with one side of my head now unplugged (Yea!) here goes.

Circumcision

Alrighty, so I am NOT, repeat NOT, an expert on circumcision. I'm really curious to hear your thoughts on this matter and especially if your opinion has changed over time.

For me, I was definitely raised with a "circumcise your boys for health reasons" bias. Some of the sentiments expressed included: circumcised boys are a lot less likely to get urinary tract infections, circumcision is better for the boy's future sexual partner(s) since the absence of a foreskin gives bacteria less places to hide (thus making it less likely for a partner to develop infections), and, the one that stood out to me most, circumcised men have a 0% chance of developing penile cancer.

It wasn't until I moved to the northwest for the first time in 1998 that I heard about parents not circumcising their boys as a conscious choice. I had known folks who didn't circumcise before then, but it seemed more like a passing of tradition (Daddy isn't circumcised, so little Jimmy won't be either), and they were in the minority. People breaking family/cultural tradition and not circumcising was a new concept to me. Reasons for these folks not circumcising included: medical risks/benefits were about equal to circumcising, feeling circumcision was a painful and overall unnecessary procedure, and more and more Western societies are not circumcising their boys.

But, interestingly, several of those folks who didn't circumcise their sons reinforced some of the concerns I had learned growing up. For instance, one mom was dealing with recurrent UTI's with her young, uncircumcised son. Another mom's uncircumcised son had to have the foreskin "released" by a doctor when the foreskin's adhesion to the glans didn't go away over time (and his procedure was done without anesthetic).

So to me it seemed like this decision to circumcise or not was like choosing the lesser of two evils: Have your son circumcised (which is a procedure that does include risks and pain), but be less likely to deal with penile-health issues later. Or don't choose circumcision, but risk your son potentially having more penile-health issues in life. For me it seemed like the "prophylactic" act of circumcision was the wisest choice should I ever need to make this decision.

As you all probably know, our first little kiddo to come to the family was a girl, so the circumcision decision was averted. However, if Ellie had been a boy (she would've been Eli), then little Eli would've probably been circumcised.

But a few years have passed since then, and I'm to the point now where I'm really on the fence about whether or not I would circumcise should I ever have to make that decision (which I don't think I will since we're now 5-months post-vasectomy). Probably the biggest factor to bring me back into the "I don't know" camp is having little Brian come to live with us (hopefully permanently) who is not circumcised. It's got me wondering: is it worth it in the end? Or does it really even matter? How will I feel about this in another 20 years?

Although not a perfect analogy, I wonder if circumcision will run the course of tonsillectomies. For years tonsillectomies were performed on small children as a pretty routine procedure (I know this is the case with both of my parents). It was done as a prophylactic (preventive) health measure. Although the routine tonsillectomies I'm sure did prevent some ENT issues, folks started to wonder if it was necessary to put a kid through a potentially unnecessary medical procedure. So feelings and theories on the issue started to evolve. Now a person has to have a pretty significant ENT-pathological history to get a tonsillectomy. I kind of wonder if circumcision will run a similar course--maybe circumcisions will continue to happen, but only after sufficient proof that it looks to be medically necessary for a boy/man whose medical issues would be eliminated or alleviated through circumcision.

POVs on Circumcision

Real quickly let me lay out the three perspectives/reasons I see why people choose to/not to circumcise:

Religious: The two religions in the world, that I know of, that circumcise almost as a command of belonging are Judaism and Islam. From personal experience with Muslim or Jewish friends, the act of circumcision is still prevalent and important today. I would be curious to know if other folks out there have heard different. Are there folks out there that you know of who identify themselves as religiously Jewish or Muslim who DO NOT find it religiously essential that the boys in their family be circumcised?

Clinical: This POV has two sides. One side resembles the sentiments I heard on circumcision while growing up: prevention of infections and disease, ease of cleaning. I even saw a site promote it as women's sexual preference (that seems a bit tough to prove, but I'm sure it's a selling point for folks!). Here's some links:
http://www.circinfo.net/
http://medicirc.org/

The other POV believes there isn't substantial evidence to promote circumcision as a routine procedure. Many on this side believe circumcision is wrong and even borders on barbaric. Some links:
http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/
http://www.cirp.org/

Cultural: This group of folks are those who circumcise because it's what they, their family, and most of those around them have done for years. If there were any religious or clinical reasons, they've since diminished away in importance and are now simply represented by a "tradition" in the family. There are several folks I know who circumcise their sons because that's what's been done to the men in their families for many generations. They may or may not be familiar with the clinical or religious reason, but it's more about "tradition" and doing it because the father of the baby was circumcised more than any other reason.

Any other POV's you can think of that I left out?

Before I throw this out there for discussion, let me add a side note on women and circumcision:

Women and Circumcision
Does anyone else notice the issue and debates of circumcision seem to be talked about more among women than men? I don't know many men who are truly passionate about this subject like I know many women who are.

Along with that, I've noticed the choice and follow-through of circumcision being put more and more into the hands of women. For instance, with the gals I mentioned before whose non-circumcised sons were dealing with medical issues: The cleaning and medicating for the UTI's was pretty much in this mom's hands, not the dad's. Also, dad was not present when that little boy's foreskin was "released" by the doctor at the clinic. Only mom was there.

The same holds true on the circumcision side. At a recent gathering of young women I know we were talking about circumcision. There were three moms who represented four boys who had been circumcised, and all of them said their husband wanted their son(s) to be circumcised. However, not a single dad was present for any of the circumcisions! These women were left to deal with this really difficult procedure by themselves. Some brought a sister or a friend. But still--That floored me. That moment really made me step back and wonder, why exactly are we circumcising? It's become so routine, sterile and impersonal. What historically (and still exists in some circles today) was a male rite of passage, performed by father (or father-figure) on son, is just another doctor's office visit? And what if these women had refused to have their sons circumcised unless dad was present? How many of these boys would've been circumcised then?

I guess I wonder how much of the routine circumcising in our culture is due to women having their sons circumcised because they think that's what they're supposed to do? How many men really care if they were or weren't circumcised? How much do men really care about the circumcising of their sons? And do they care enough to be the one to not only bring the baby to the doctor but also be the one to help hold down and soothe the baby while the procedure is being performed and for the weeks (months) after as the baby heals?

Okay, enough of me. Let's open up the discussion. Tell me your thoughts on circumcision, and how they've evolved over time.

Dear Parents: Can't we all get along?

Parenthood is tough-- raising other human beings is not an easy job. It's exhausting, completely time-consuming, and forcibly (if you're not planning on it beforehand) self-sacrificial. But I know, I chose to go down this path. However occasionally it is nice to talk (or commiserate) with someone else about it.

So with the crazy, sometimes disorienting, role as a parent, you'd think other parents would be the place I'd go for refuge, safety, a shoulder to cry on? Right? Well, yes and no.

There are definitely some really great empathetic folks out there who are wonderful at encouraging me to keep my chin up and keep going. Thank you to all of you out there who have done that for me.

However, the Realm of Parenthood is also THE most opinionated realm of existence out there that I've ever encountered. Little did I know the major passions people carry behind their thoughts on parenthood. Has it always been this way? Am I wrong to think folks were a little more 'fall in line' with the cultural norm a generation or two ago? It does seem like there's lots more choices out there now (or maybe there's just more ways to hear about the choices, with tv, internet, etc.). It's not the choices that get to me, but the potentially spirited advocate of each choice, just waiting to give an earful to anyone who will listen.

And that's when I say: Ugh.

So I ask: Is there some way for us all to get along, even if we don't agree, without alienating each other at the same time? Do we all have to see eye-to-eye on every issue, or else run the risk of losing respect for the other as a parent? (Or worse, not let our kids be friends?) Is it okay if I don't feel passionate about circumcising or not circumcising, choice of birth plan, to breastfeed or not to breastfeed, the overly feminine or masculine qualities of certain toys, to homeschool, public school or private school my child (actually, that one has been a tough one for me-- but I still don't think there's only one right answer), etc., etc.? Honestly, sometimes I think we have too much time on our hands with all the hand-wringing and overanalyzing we're able to do.

I'm not saying there isn't worth in the asking, measuring and weighing out of our options. But, while doing that, is it too much to ask for someone to talk about the questions with me and not just give me their answer? Does anyone else see the value in seeking to understand why someone else might choose a different path, instead of building a case that only substantiates your answer?

And while I'm at it: Are there any other parents out there also ironically afraid to approach the conversation of parenting with other parents?

If you're open to the discussion and letting us understand your thought-process without being emphatic about your conclusion, then please check back. Hopefully we'll get some topics humming here we can have some good discussions about.

P.S.-- This isn't to say there aren't some areas I feel passionate about (For one, I won't let my kids play at a home with a pitbull. Nope. Won't.), but to be so opinionated and "sure" in so many areas would be exhausting for me. And it's not to say all parents are doing this, but there's definitely quite a few out there.

Bumper Stickers, Part 2

Here's a smattering of more bumper stickers that have caught my eye since the last Bumper Sticker post. I can't seem to locate any in "bumper sticker form" on the internet, so I'll just give the text:

Another Gardener for Peas

We're all in this together (I thought it a nice sentiment, but is it actually a reference to High School Musical?)

Get corporations off welfare

Sprawl-Mart: Always Low Wages

I'm for the Separation of Church and Hate

What have you seen lately?